Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All the doctor said was why
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
