Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
