She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
