My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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