i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
