My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
