Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
