Please, let me fuck your mom
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
