"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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