I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
