I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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