i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
