Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
