I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
