that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
