i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
