I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
