I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
