when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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