I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
