if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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