from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
