She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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