the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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