sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
