I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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