yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I want to fling myself into the sun
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
