Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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