She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
