hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
