I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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