people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
