Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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