After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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