Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
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