Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
