My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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