I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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