it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
