Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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