there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
