Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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