They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
