Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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