the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it's like heaven, but drunker
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize