How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
