thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
