i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
