we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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