Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
