I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize