I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
