I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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