eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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