Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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