I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she smelled like a LAN party
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize