I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
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