SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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