she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
