wanna go halves on a baby?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
