just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
