she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
