Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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