puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize