i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
