mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
