we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize