dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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